I ignored my slight sniffle,

And cured it with some beer,

I woke up the next day,

And shed a wee tear,

For the slight sniffle,

Was more than a slight, 

Alcohol you deceived me ye bastard,

Now I’m really not feeling right.

I’m a snotball,

Coughing on you all,

Overdosing on vitamin C,

Annoying everybody,

With my spluttering,





You’re thinking,




I don’t want your germs,

At least no one sits next to me on the tube,

Because they seem to think i’m carrying the plague.

Oh I’m sorry am I annoying you?


I walk down the street,

‘Excuse me mam do you have a minute to sign up to a pointless company and spend all your money?’

Bitch, I will SNEEZE on you.

I need to inhale lemsip,

And have a duvet day,

Surrounded by a tissue sculpture,

And Netflix constantly playing.

Hot lemon & honey tea,

Soup & steamy showers,

Kleenex within arms reach,

And magical healing powers.

I actually think i’m dying,

I’m not dramatic at all,

It’s just a common cold,

But it needs to move the fuck along.


One thought on “Snotball

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