Basically…I’m Fucked

My idealistic outlook prevents me from falling in love,

I’m a picky-perfectionist-non-people-person,
I’m fucked.

I don’t want just any love,
Ordinary isn’t my ideal,
I want mindboggling ,earth shattering, explosive love;
But wanting that isn’t enough,
Because there is no one for me to love,
Since I don’t like anyone,
I’m fucked.

When I do like someone it’s a strange situation,
The rarity makes them special,
I go from being happily indepentent to,
Of course they leave;
They always do.
I’m fucked.

I’ve never broke up with anyone.
No literally never.
I’ve avoided second and third dates but that’s as far as it goes,
Because when I like someone I don’t want to let go,
I hold on with my tightest grip,
The tips of my nails break if I start to slip,
My desperate scratches from trying not to fall,
Are left visible on your arms,
The scars spell out,
Don’t go.
But you can’t read it,
Or you refuse to.
I’m fucked.

There is clearly something inherently wrong with me.
That’s a lie because I’m fucking great.
If I’m with you I will stand by you no matter what,
I will find your complexities beautiful,
I will fall in love with your flaws and your morning breath,
I will stay loyal until the very end,
I will never break your heart,
Even if all this means breaking myself,
Because I don’t know how to be selfish.
I’m fucked.

It’s all love, lust, and pixie dust,
What becomes of us,
Will be done and dusted,
Feelings rusted,
Hearts busted,
Trying to muster the courage to leave or fall in love with somebody else.
Casual relationships seems to be the answer,
But alas once they’re cancelled I realise that’s not what I’m after,
I thought that rather than getting fucked over,
I’d just not care and get my leg over,
And fuck for pure pleasure,
But I found no pleasure.
I’m fucked.

I’m terrified of falling in love.
I’m impossible to get to know.
Your persistence would need to be strong,
But your persistence would probably irritate me even more.
To get to my heart and soul it’s an obstacle course,
You’ll go through steel doors,
You’ll go over 50ft fences,
You’ll go through fields of spiders and mines,
Barbed wire, scary fucking clowns, and flaming fire,
And yet you would still only probably know a small part of me.
And who can bothered with that.
I’m fucked.

I set such high unreachable expectations,
When the reality is there is perfection in imperfections,
No love is void of conflict and difficulty,
No love is everything I want it to be,
And that is because until I learn to love myself truly,
I am unavailable to love another freely,
So until then,
I’m fucked.


2 thoughts on “Basically…I’m Fucked

  1. self contained remaining a wall with your own secret garden. self doubt to a new level of shouting. the perfect lover comes again someday on a cloud to the new jerusalem. what does it take to see hope for a duo under the aegis of pure joys? hmmm really dunno anymoire about than you do!


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